Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
