how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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