don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
