how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
