her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
