she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you bring me the toilet please
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
