Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
