I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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