When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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