either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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