YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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