Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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