There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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