Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just cropdusted the office
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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