You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
as a side note pls kill me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
