Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
