The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
