Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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