I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
