allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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