his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize