You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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