I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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