He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you never un-have a 4some
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
