went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
