Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
