I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
