Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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