I'm really into asian looking animals
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do vagina's smell?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
