Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
