So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
