So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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