The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
