I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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