When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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