Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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