Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
