She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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