Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
