hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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