i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
