DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
