hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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