watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
