Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
