i just had sex bonerless
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
