Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
