Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
