end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
