ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
