I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
