FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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