Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
