I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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