Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize