On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
