My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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