you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
