Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
