ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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