so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize