New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
