God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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