I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
