so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
