I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
