I think I won the penis lottery.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
