Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
