so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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