she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
