id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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