he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
