he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
