You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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