I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
