if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
