Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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