This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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