my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
