Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
