Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
