how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
