NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
