I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
