I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
