My room smells like vodka and shame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize