I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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