Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
