How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
