Can Purell be used as lube?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
