Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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