Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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