her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
