all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize