He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
