He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love you. Go after that dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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