I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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