Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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