I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize