im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
