Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
