I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
