What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
