the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
