i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize