haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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