I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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