I am in a vortex of obligation.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize