i would punch a child for taco bell
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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